I think it's time.

Dear Blog,

You've been with me fore a few years now. I've been through quite a bit, some of which I expressed through you. This place is where I wasn't afraid to say what the fuck I wanted for fear of what someone else may think. You were mine, and mine only. You were my baby, if you will, and now I think it's time to let you go. I think I need to put away the past and start fresh. You're going into retirement. I won't delete you, as you carry many memories that I may want to reflect on later, but I won't be writing here anymore. I've decided to start blogging on Tumblr more permanently, as it is more "user friendly" and requires less web designing skills on my part. Call me lazy, but that makes it much easier for me, and takes the focus away from my layout and gives me the motivation to write, write, write. Thanks for the good times, and the bad. I'll be seeing you.

Love,
Bre

I think it's time,

to retire this blog. It's old, and full of old and horrible memories. New thought process definitely requires a new blog. Stay tuned.

Happy Hump Day.

So I bought this shirt a few days ago, and it's one of those colors that's really hard to match anything with, but I absolutely couldn't pass it up. Luckily, after doing some serious internet and phone shopping I was able to find the perfect pair of snake-skinned platform pumps, and yay for me, they're only $20! I'd attach a picture, but for some reason they're not on the website anymore. Trust me, I searched high and low. I think I will wear them this weekend. We're giving Brittany a shot at redemption since she was such a buzz kill last weekend. I know for sure that I'm not going to babysit her this time, so if she's going to be whiney all night she can keep her ass at home.

I am officially in the "rat" race for this promotion I'm after. I submitted my application, along with my current resume and letters of recommendation to my boss today. Hopefully everything looks good! I know it's corny, but I'm making a big fuss about this whole promotion thing because I've never really TRIED or even wanted to try to be promoted. But, I semi-like my job, and I want to stick it out to see how far this thing actually takes me. Don't judge.

Aside from those 2 highlights, it has been a pretty average Wednesday. I argued with Chris for a couple of hours last night, intentionally, and it felt great to get it out of my system. I didn't get any sleep though, then turned around helped Brit move all of her CRAP from mine and Linda's apartment into her own. I'm glad she's not like all those other people who you're nice to and they take advantage of you. She didn't want to be a freeload for long, and I respect that. She's a go-getter. For sure.

It was just another "regular" weekend.

I've been working like a maniac all week, covering the shifts of the two people we just let go. I'm hoping that this new manager is paying enough attention to how amazing I am at my job and considers me for a promotion when the new Hotel opens on April 7. I didn't think I was really ready to be promoted (considering the unrealistic workload it can sometimes entail) because I had other goals in mind, but I'm not doing anything else with my life currently. I could definitely use the extra money, and I wouldn't mind a little authority. With those things in mind, I've been kicking ass and taking names at work, and I hope that my excellence is soon recognized.

Saturday night when I got off work my roommates called and said they wanted me to meet them at a local bar, so I rushed home to change my clothes and headed over to Black Finn. We ended up leaving because both the crowd and the music sucked and made our way over to Milos, which happens to be my favorite bar. I wasn't really in the mood to drink because I had gotten such a late start, so I just danced around enjoying the music until Brittany started complaining that she wanted to leave because it wasn't "her crowd." Whatever. I'm open-minded, so we went to her spot and got there just in time for last call. How exciting. I had a good time either way, so it doesn't really matter.

Now it's 11:11 (pause to make a wish) on Sunday, and it's coming to a close. Today was pretty uneventful. I spent the early afternoon cleaning up around the house and catching up on the shows that I'd missed during the week. This evening I invited a friend over for dinner and a movie. Now that he's gone, I'm in my room enjoying some quiet time allowing my mind to wonder. I have to admit my thoughts are pretty sexual, and I'll pprobably end up watching porn. I'm just saying.

Hopefully my week goes well. I'll keep you posted for sure.

♫ I'm bringin' Blogger back..ayy!

I honestly wish that I could talk to you everyday, dear blog. I certainly have enough going on in my life that's "blogworthy," just not enough time. I'm going to make more of an effort to change that. I will start making time for you, because I've missed you, and the way you used to make me feel. ;[

Valentine's Day 2010

My Valentine’s Day was like every other day; ordinary. I told myself that this year I’d go out and make it count, but I didn’t. All of my girl “friends” have proven to be phonies, catty bitches, and whores and I’d prefer not to socialize with them. On top of that, my work schedule got in the way so this weekend was pretty uneventful.

Today, I slept mostly. My sleep schedule is totally off from working the night shift, so I didn’t wake up until around 4pm. I went to the Library to exchange my ‘I Love Lucy’ DVDs for the next episodes, and then I went straight home. I wasn’t trying to fight traffic from all the All-Star hoopla going on. When I got home, I made myself a quick dinner; Ramen noodles served by candlelight. :]

I spend the rest of my evening watching True Life reruns on MTV, and around 10 I started getting ready for work. I am completely at peace with the fact that I spent the day by myself, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. Chris got me a box of chocolates and a blender for my new apartment. That’s all I really could have asked for. I’m appreciative, and that’s all I have to say.

Is it that time, again?!

I know that Valentine's Day comes on the same day every year, but could it come at a more inconvenient time in my life? I'm the biggest love nerd you could ever imagine, and I've always cherished the idea of Valentine's Day, but I wasn't expecting it to come so quickly. Yikes! Every year for the past 3 years, I've been so invested in trying to correct the mishaps and misfortunes of my life that whenever the holiday rolls around I become obsessive and pushy hoping to make this one better than the last and it always backfires on me. Chris is by far the most un-celebratory person I've ever met (especially the celebration of love) and I know this but I still tried to pressure him into giving me the day I dream about. It still hasn't happened. 3 tries, 3 fails. This time, it doesn't matter. I've said it before, and I will say it again. This year — as cliché as it may sound — is MY year. I started off on the right foot for change in 2010 and I'm not stopping now. There are more important things in my life that I should focus on rather than worry about whether or not I received chocolates and a teddy on February 14th. I'm not going to concern myself with whether or not I'll be spending the holiday alone. What does it matter? I'm alone every other day of the year, why should this one be treated any differently? It shouldn't, and it won't.

I'm not going to plan, anticipate, hope for, or wish to receive any special treatment on the 'big' day. If by some chance someone does something special for me — of course — that would make me really happy, but if nothing happens it's not the end of the world. If I don't have a date, I'll celebrate by myself. I can make it a night in with movies and junk food, to pamper myself, or I can go out and have a few drinks with my girls. Whatever I decide to do, I will be surrounded by positive people and positive energy. For 3 years I've allowed myself to allow someone else to disappoint me on Valentine's day, but I promise that not happening in 2010.

This is me, can you deal?

I've been working on this for about a week now. I initially started writing it as an email to a 'loved one' that I've been at war with, but decided against sending it. I shouldn't have to tell HIM the things he should already know about me. Anyways, instead of wasting such precious content, why not post it? If you're curious — or bored, whatever — here's a read:

This is me, can you deal?
• I love tattoos and piercings, and I will probably end up getting more of either at some point. "The human body is always treated as an image in society" and it's like living, breathing, walking, talking art. My body is my canvas, and I get to share its meaning with the world.

• I wear 'crazy' outfits. Some may be less conventional than you're used to, but it's how I express who I am. Personal style is much more important to me than being trendy. I wear what I'm most comfortable in and don't care what anyone thinks. I hardly have anything 'designer' in my closet, and I shop at thrift stores. I'm all about being creative, and doing the shit myself.

• I do not, will not, nor have I ever followed any of the conventional 'rules of dating.' Obviously I have certain standards that I uphold, but if I feel like sleeping with you on the first night I will, and won't feel guilty about it. It's ALL about vibes with me.
• I am very outspoken, and sometimes what I say may offend you. Either you have the balls to talk shit back, or you're a pussy and you can keep your mouth shut. I don't always have a censor, and I'm not guarded in any way. What you see is what you get.

• I'm only 21, which means I have at least the next couple of years to decide which direction I'm going with my life. Until then, I may be broke, and unstable.

• I am very rebellious. If you try and pressure me to do something, or act a certain way, I won't do it mostly out of spite. I do things on Bre time, not when you think it should be done. Stop trying.

• I'm a free thinker and I make my own decisions. If I need your help I will ask for it and I will ALWAYS come to you when I need help making decisions that affect the both of us. Don't question my loyalty. And definitely don't discredit me based on your own prejudgments.

• I am the least jealous person in the world. I'm comfortable enough with myself and what I have to offer that I don't waste my time being jealous of you or anyone else. I respect honesty more than anything and if you compromise the trust in our relationship, friendship, or otherwise, you’re not worth having in my life. Bare in mind, I give second chances, but 3 strikes and you’re out! Don't take my kindness for weakness, I am territorial and WILL put a bitch in his or her place. :]

• I don't subscribe to any labels, including when it comes to my sexual orientation. I think both men and women are beautiful, and I won't turn down a date with someone — guy or girl — because of gender, race, religion, etc. Love is love and it knows no boundaries.

• I am naturally flirtatious. It's a part of who I am and it's not something I can turn off; most of the time I don't even realize when I'm doing it. My being flirtatious should not be confused with promiscuity and you should still proceed with caution. I know my limits, make sure you know yours.

• Half the fun of anything is the chase. I always want what is considered 'off limits,' and will definitely work to acquire whatever that may be. I almost always get what I want. Just saying.
I'm obviously open to answering personal questions so if you have any, be my guest. :]

Synchronization.

Dear Chris; If only we could synchronize our hearts they way you synchronize a watch. How dare you try and break a bond so strong. Why won't you just give me what I want? I'm so tired of fighting with you — trying desperately to get my point across — and then running back into your arms. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you, but I want much more than what you're able to offer me. I want 100% of you. If you can't offer that now, after 3 years, when will you ever? I done waiting. I have to move on with my life. Don't try and stop me from searching for my happiness, if you don't have what it takes. Let me get back to loving myself unconditionally the way I loved you. Let me rebuild the bridges I've burned, and reestablish the lines that I've crossed in order to keep you. Let me reclaim my independence and stand up for what the fuck I believe in. Let me learn, grow, and be free so that I can mold myself into the person that I'm supposed to be. If you can't handle me being me, just let me go.

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It's a new year and a new me, bitches! I know that sounds cliché, but so far my actions and my words are in sync. I've been working hard to stay out of trouble these past few months and it's starting to pay off. Although stressful (and a bit emotional), I am definitely on the right track and plan on making some significant accomplishments this year. The first of my accomplishments is finally being able to move out of this shoebox I call my apartment. I've outgrown the space — and the memories we've created — and I'm ready for a fresh start. I'll have a roommate which will save tons on living expenses, and I can use that extra cash to invest in my future. Look at me being all self sufficient and shit. I don't need you, Chris. I never have. I've just always wanted you around and it looks like times are changing.