"I have the most beautiful time with you. You are my friend, my enemy, my boyfriend, my lover, my heaven, my hell, my earth, my stars. You make me happy, sad, angry, jealous, joyful, hopeful. You are my muse, I can create things in your presence. I am full of life when I am with you. You give me energy, and you take it away. There is not one thing that I want to do without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You complete me." (Written on July 16, 2009)
So after almost 3 years of fighting this Love war — one whose outcome I thought was destined to turn out in my favor — it's finally over. Chris and I broke up, and I'm having mixed emotions. I'm happy for my freedom, but it's going to be really hard getting used to life without him around. I can't go back, though. How do I stop myself from calling and texting when I start feeling dependent again? How do I make him realize what he's really lost? How do I get him to understand why I'm so fed up? Is it even worth trying to get him to see or should I just move on and create a life for myself, and myself only? Questions I need answered, and only I can answer them. I guess it's time for me to start "soul searching" and decide what it is that I really want. No rush, I've got plenty of time, right?
Dec 27, 2009
Jul 22, 2009
Wake up, and smell the money.
I'm feelin' a little inspired today. I read someone's blog earlier, and the girl wrote a letter to herself 15 years from now. What a great idea!? So, I think I am going to do the same. This will take me a while, but I will definitely post the finished product.
Aside from that, I've had a pretty awesome day to say the least. I woke up early this morning and went to Toni&Guy to get my hair done. I got it cut really short — something I've been dying to try. I finally grew the nuts and just did it. I love it! Of course it will take some getting used to, but I'm sure I will adjust quickly. Here is a picture:
I also got my laptop out of layaway. Doing these things make me feel really good about myself. I enjoy the instant gratification. I'm anxious to go home and get things set up although I'm really tired and I'll most likely just crash. Anyways, lastly, I bought the wedges I've been dying for for probably the past month. Now that I'm broke my day is complete and that's about all I needed to update on. Getting ready to catch up on Big Brother episodes until work is over. G'night.
Aside from that, I've had a pretty awesome day to say the least. I woke up early this morning and went to Toni&Guy to get my hair done. I got it cut really short — something I've been dying to try. I finally grew the nuts and just did it. I love it! Of course it will take some getting used to, but I'm sure I will adjust quickly. Here is a picture:
I also got my laptop out of layaway. Doing these things make me feel really good about myself. I enjoy the instant gratification. I'm anxious to go home and get things set up although I'm really tired and I'll most likely just crash. Anyways, lastly, I bought the wedges I've been dying for for probably the past month. Now that I'm broke my day is complete and that's about all I needed to update on. Getting ready to catch up on Big Brother episodes until work is over. G'night.
Jul 20, 2009
Jul 16, 2009
"SURVEY" OF SORTS.
Answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention. Add one more question of your own.
What is your current obsession?Changing my image. I've been the same "Plain Jane" chick all of my life. I have always gone unnoticed, which isn't really a problem for me — I'm not looking for anyone's attention — I have just been having a really hard time lately. I have this creative itch that I am dying to scratch, but I haven't found the right medium yet. I figure if I change, or at least update my image I will feel a little better about myself and that will give me the motivation I need to get on back the right track.
What are you wearing today?Today I am wearing a blue/black patterned sun dress, my favorite black cardigan sweater, black sandals, and silver accessories.
Why is today special?Today is Thursday, which means that it's one day closer to being Friday, which is one day closer to the weekend. I am going to try and have a fun weekend, but without money that's a little hard.
What would you like to learn to do?I would love to learn to draw, and make designs freehand or by pattern. I'd love to start sketching some design ideas so then I can make my ideas come to life. I'm tired of them being stuck in my brain. I'd also love to learn to paint. I hear that Art Therapy can be very relaxing. I'd like to learn the quickest, easiest way to make a shitload of money, and I'd also love to learn to speak French, or even Spanish (from Spain, not Mexico).
What is your favorite weather?It's a toss between Autumn, and Spring. I love the beautiful colors Autumn brings with the falling leaves, but I also love the budding flowers, and perfect temperatures that Spring brings.
What would you like to have in your hands right now?Either a shitload of money, or the new iPhone 3Gs. I'm longing for the both of those. Maybe even some pussy, wink wink. Who's gonna make that happen?
What would you like to get rid of?"His" insecurities. I'd like him to stop being so insecure and jealous. I'd like to feel freedom again without the fear that I'd be losing my best friend. I just want him to be comfortable with the person that I really am, and not the person he wants me to be. I'd also like to get rid of half my wardrobe and replace it with all the things I've been wanting.
What did you dream of last night?Last night I dream't that Chris Brown (of all people) was trying to get with me. We were just about to hook up, when I got woken up by something or someone! Boy was I mad. I tried so hard to dream that dream again. You'd better believe it!
Who do you want to meet in person?There are so many people that I would love to meet, It's be hard to name them all. Many celebrities, leadership figures, and everyday people that I've never had the pleasure of meeting in person.
One thing that you would snatch out of someone’s closet, with no regrets? I'd take EVERYTHING from Rihanna's closet and wouldn't feel guilty about it at all! I wouldn't mind rummaging through Teyana Taylor's closet, Beyonce's got the diva thing on lock, and Amber Rose can rock some tights.
What is your dream job? I’m still trying to figure that out. But when I think of being successful, or happy, I don't see myself as filthy rich or the CEO or some Fortune 500 company. I just want to be content, full of passion, and wrapped up in doing whatever it is that I love doing. Just like I'd be with person I'm in love with.
Personal aspirations at the moment?I aspire to aspire something. At the moment, I feel like a zombie. I feel like I'm walking, alone mostly — with no path in particular — just doing what I HAVE to do to survive, working hard just to pay bills, but not doing the things that truely make me happy. I'm just stuck.
If you had a time machine, which time would you like to revisit?The 70's. I'd be a hippie. =D I'm pretty much a free spirited, "peace and love" type of person and I have always wondered what real hippies lived like.. or if it's all just TV hype.
What is your current obsession?Changing my image. I've been the same "Plain Jane" chick all of my life. I have always gone unnoticed, which isn't really a problem for me — I'm not looking for anyone's attention — I have just been having a really hard time lately. I have this creative itch that I am dying to scratch, but I haven't found the right medium yet. I figure if I change, or at least update my image I will feel a little better about myself and that will give me the motivation I need to get on back the right track.
What are you wearing today?Today I am wearing a blue/black patterned sun dress, my favorite black cardigan sweater, black sandals, and silver accessories.
Why is today special?Today is Thursday, which means that it's one day closer to being Friday, which is one day closer to the weekend. I am going to try and have a fun weekend, but without money that's a little hard.
What would you like to learn to do?I would love to learn to draw, and make designs freehand or by pattern. I'd love to start sketching some design ideas so then I can make my ideas come to life. I'm tired of them being stuck in my brain. I'd also love to learn to paint. I hear that Art Therapy can be very relaxing. I'd like to learn the quickest, easiest way to make a shitload of money, and I'd also love to learn to speak French, or even Spanish (from Spain, not Mexico).
What is your favorite weather?It's a toss between Autumn, and Spring. I love the beautiful colors Autumn brings with the falling leaves, but I also love the budding flowers, and perfect temperatures that Spring brings.
What would you like to have in your hands right now?Either a shitload of money, or the new iPhone 3Gs. I'm longing for the both of those. Maybe even some pussy, wink wink. Who's gonna make that happen?
What would you like to get rid of?"His" insecurities. I'd like him to stop being so insecure and jealous. I'd like to feel freedom again without the fear that I'd be losing my best friend. I just want him to be comfortable with the person that I really am, and not the person he wants me to be. I'd also like to get rid of half my wardrobe and replace it with all the things I've been wanting.
What did you dream of last night?Last night I dream't that Chris Brown (of all people) was trying to get with me. We were just about to hook up, when I got woken up by something or someone! Boy was I mad. I tried so hard to dream that dream again. You'd better believe it!
Who do you want to meet in person?There are so many people that I would love to meet, It's be hard to name them all. Many celebrities, leadership figures, and everyday people that I've never had the pleasure of meeting in person.
One thing that you would snatch out of someone’s closet, with no regrets? I'd take EVERYTHING from Rihanna's closet and wouldn't feel guilty about it at all! I wouldn't mind rummaging through Teyana Taylor's closet, Beyonce's got the diva thing on lock, and Amber Rose can rock some tights.
What is your dream job? I’m still trying to figure that out. But when I think of being successful, or happy, I don't see myself as filthy rich or the CEO or some Fortune 500 company. I just want to be content, full of passion, and wrapped up in doing whatever it is that I love doing. Just like I'd be with person I'm in love with.
Personal aspirations at the moment?I aspire to aspire something. At the moment, I feel like a zombie. I feel like I'm walking, alone mostly — with no path in particular — just doing what I HAVE to do to survive, working hard just to pay bills, but not doing the things that truely make me happy. I'm just stuck.
If you had a time machine, which time would you like to revisit?The 70's. I'd be a hippie. =D I'm pretty much a free spirited, "peace and love" type of person and I have always wondered what real hippies lived like.. or if it's all just TV hype.
Jul 14, 2009
WORD VOMIT.
I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just saying it.
1250A Today has been an emotionally unstable day. I went from happy, to mad, to sad, to a breakdown of sorts, to mad again, and now I'm neutral. Fuck everyone. I tell motherfuckers my problems for venting purposes and I end up feeling more like an ass after my conversation with them than I had before hand. What kind of shit is that? I expect at least one person to empathize, but no niggas want to jump down my throat as if I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel. You won't do that to me, will you?
Oops. It seems as if I've run out of time. Soon enough I will be able to blog from home. I'll finish venting some other time. Good morning.
1250A Today has been an emotionally unstable day. I went from happy, to mad, to sad, to a breakdown of sorts, to mad again, and now I'm neutral. Fuck everyone. I tell motherfuckers my problems for venting purposes and I end up feeling more like an ass after my conversation with them than I had before hand. What kind of shit is that? I expect at least one person to empathize, but no niggas want to jump down my throat as if I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel. You won't do that to me, will you?
Oops. It seems as if I've run out of time. Soon enough I will be able to blog from home. I'll finish venting some other time. Good morning.
Jul 8, 2009
ZZZZZZZ.
It is cold, and I am tired.
I didn't go to sleep until 5a and I woke up at 9a. I have fallen asleep at my desk a couple of times. Shhhh, don't tell! I'm trying to stay awake, but all hope for Starbucks is ruined — they're closed. Today's work day has been the slowest ever.
In other news, I pampered myself today. I got a mani-pedi, and my eyebrows waxed. Just something I do to feel a little better about myself and kickstart my day. Too bad this day has been a drag. I also went Laptop shopping. Hopefully I find something suitable soon, I would like to start taking some courses online in the near future. I'd also like to invest in a new TV and some home decor. I'd like my apartment to feel homey. I want my pantry and Fridge stocked with groceries, and I don't want to feel like I have to go anywhere for anything. But enough blabbing about stuff that costs money.
In relationship news, things with Chris and I are good — well neutral. We're separated of course. He's lives there, and I'm living here. It's a complicated situation as it's always been so there is no need to dabble in those waters. Changing the subject — I've always liked, or been curious when it comes to being with women and as of the past few months I have had some experiences with women that have opened my eyes. I've had the opportunity to harness my curiosity and confirm my feelings. Although I don't like labels, one might classify me as being bisexual and I am completely okay with that. I find myself more and more attracted to women sexually. I see a girl in the grocery store who before I would have just glanced at and passed by, but now I find myself "checking" her out. I am actually talking to this girl right now. She's really great and seem truly interested in me, but I just can't feel it all the way with her. We don't seem compatible enough, and she doesn't understand why I say there are "no sparks." I am trying to give it a shot with her, but I don't know how long I can keep pretending that I "miss" her, and that I find her "wildly attractive" when in reality I don't. If she just happened to be any other girl (physically) with CLOSE to the same personality I would probably be thrilled about considering a future with her. Call me shallow, but it is what it is. Enough about her, I think you get the idea.
I came to a realization today while I was at the nail salon. "White girls" intimidate me — sexually that is. With their blue eyes, and pretty long hair. Their long legs, perfect ass, and perky titties. I would LOVE to bang a "white chick" but would a white chick love to bang me? Question of the evening. Good night.
I didn't go to sleep until 5a and I woke up at 9a. I have fallen asleep at my desk a couple of times. Shhhh, don't tell! I'm trying to stay awake, but all hope for Starbucks is ruined — they're closed. Today's work day has been the slowest ever.
In other news, I pampered myself today. I got a mani-pedi, and my eyebrows waxed. Just something I do to feel a little better about myself and kickstart my day. Too bad this day has been a drag. I also went Laptop shopping. Hopefully I find something suitable soon, I would like to start taking some courses online in the near future. I'd also like to invest in a new TV and some home decor. I'd like my apartment to feel homey. I want my pantry and Fridge stocked with groceries, and I don't want to feel like I have to go anywhere for anything. But enough blabbing about stuff that costs money.
In relationship news, things with Chris and I are good — well neutral. We're separated of course. He's lives there, and I'm living here. It's a complicated situation as it's always been so there is no need to dabble in those waters. Changing the subject — I've always liked, or been curious when it comes to being with women and as of the past few months I have had some experiences with women that have opened my eyes. I've had the opportunity to harness my curiosity and confirm my feelings. Although I don't like labels, one might classify me as being bisexual and I am completely okay with that. I find myself more and more attracted to women sexually. I see a girl in the grocery store who before I would have just glanced at and passed by, but now I find myself "checking" her out. I am actually talking to this girl right now. She's really great and seem truly interested in me, but I just can't feel it all the way with her. We don't seem compatible enough, and she doesn't understand why I say there are "no sparks." I am trying to give it a shot with her, but I don't know how long I can keep pretending that I "miss" her, and that I find her "wildly attractive" when in reality I don't. If she just happened to be any other girl (physically) with CLOSE to the same personality I would probably be thrilled about considering a future with her. Call me shallow, but it is what it is. Enough about her, I think you get the idea.
I came to a realization today while I was at the nail salon. "White girls" intimidate me — sexually that is. With their blue eyes, and pretty long hair. Their long legs, perfect ass, and perky titties. I would LOVE to bang a "white chick" but would a white chick love to bang me? Question of the evening. Good night.
Jul 7, 2009
SURPRISE — NO INTRO NEEDED.
Whoaaa! Slow down, take a deep breath, and exhale. I'm back! I know I was on hiatus for a few months, but I'm here — hopefully to stay. Alot has been going on as usual. So much it would take me forever to update, so I thought I would just keep this blog simple with a little "re-introduction."
My name is Breanne. Virtually I am your typical 21 year old. I’m chaotic at times, mostly indecisive about everything, I’m all about being in the moment, and I curse like a sailor. I don’t smoke, I hardly drink, and my piss test comes back clean every time. Majority of the time I’m a girly girl. I like massages, mani-pedis, shopping sprees, and high heels — but I also like to get dirty with the boys. I’m lazy as all get up, I love sleep, and I can’t find anything when my environment is clean. I’m not dirty, just messy. I have this creativity inside of me somewhere waiting to unleash itself, I just haven’t found my medium yet. I march to the beat of my own drum, and I believe that all rules are made to be broken. I’m a rebel in my own way. I hate school, but I love to learn. I’m sly, I’m witty and I catch on quickly to credible humor. I like attention, but I don’t go looking for it — I truely believe I command it. I am 100% confident in who I am no matter how many flaws I may have or how little I fit in. Really only one person’s opinion other than my own matters to me and I think we pretty much share opinions. I’ve had only one true best friend whom I also consider my worst enemy. No matter how dull my life is or has been, I still think it’s pretty awesome and I’m happy I’m living, but also ready to die when God says so. If anybody knows me it should be my mom, and to an extent she does, but only one person has seen all of me — even the sides I didn’t know I had. Sometimes I feel stronger than the strongest person you know, but I’m selfish. I don’t have to flaunt myself to the world. I believe that the only thing stopping me is myself, but it’s just a phase. I am me, and probably the most amazing person I know next to my king.
Hopefully you've enjoy. This is me in a nutshell. Work is almost over, so I will see you lovely people later! Dueces.
My name is Breanne. Virtually I am your typical 21 year old. I’m chaotic at times, mostly indecisive about everything, I’m all about being in the moment, and I curse like a sailor. I don’t smoke, I hardly drink, and my piss test comes back clean every time. Majority of the time I’m a girly girl. I like massages, mani-pedis, shopping sprees, and high heels — but I also like to get dirty with the boys. I’m lazy as all get up, I love sleep, and I can’t find anything when my environment is clean. I’m not dirty, just messy. I have this creativity inside of me somewhere waiting to unleash itself, I just haven’t found my medium yet. I march to the beat of my own drum, and I believe that all rules are made to be broken. I’m a rebel in my own way. I hate school, but I love to learn. I’m sly, I’m witty and I catch on quickly to credible humor. I like attention, but I don’t go looking for it — I truely believe I command it. I am 100% confident in who I am no matter how many flaws I may have or how little I fit in. Really only one person’s opinion other than my own matters to me and I think we pretty much share opinions. I’ve had only one true best friend whom I also consider my worst enemy. No matter how dull my life is or has been, I still think it’s pretty awesome and I’m happy I’m living, but also ready to die when God says so. If anybody knows me it should be my mom, and to an extent she does, but only one person has seen all of me — even the sides I didn’t know I had. Sometimes I feel stronger than the strongest person you know, but I’m selfish. I don’t have to flaunt myself to the world. I believe that the only thing stopping me is myself, but it’s just a phase. I am me, and probably the most amazing person I know next to my king.
Hopefully you've enjoy. This is me in a nutshell. Work is almost over, so I will see you lovely people later! Dueces.
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