Is it that time, again?!

I know that Valentine's Day comes on the same day every year, but could it come at a more inconvenient time in my life? I'm the biggest love nerd you could ever imagine, and I've always cherished the idea of Valentine's Day, but I wasn't expecting it to come so quickly. Yikes! Every year for the past 3 years, I've been so invested in trying to correct the mishaps and misfortunes of my life that whenever the holiday rolls around I become obsessive and pushy hoping to make this one better than the last and it always backfires on me. Chris is by far the most un-celebratory person I've ever met (especially the celebration of love) and I know this but I still tried to pressure him into giving me the day I dream about. It still hasn't happened. 3 tries, 3 fails. This time, it doesn't matter. I've said it before, and I will say it again. This year — as cliché as it may sound — is MY year. I started off on the right foot for change in 2010 and I'm not stopping now. There are more important things in my life that I should focus on rather than worry about whether or not I received chocolates and a teddy on February 14th. I'm not going to concern myself with whether or not I'll be spending the holiday alone. What does it matter? I'm alone every other day of the year, why should this one be treated any differently? It shouldn't, and it won't.

I'm not going to plan, anticipate, hope for, or wish to receive any special treatment on the 'big' day. If by some chance someone does something special for me — of course — that would make me really happy, but if nothing happens it's not the end of the world. If I don't have a date, I'll celebrate by myself. I can make it a night in with movies and junk food, to pamper myself, or I can go out and have a few drinks with my girls. Whatever I decide to do, I will be surrounded by positive people and positive energy. For 3 years I've allowed myself to allow someone else to disappoint me on Valentine's day, but I promise that not happening in 2010.

This is me, can you deal?

I've been working on this for about a week now. I initially started writing it as an email to a 'loved one' that I've been at war with, but decided against sending it. I shouldn't have to tell HIM the things he should already know about me. Anyways, instead of wasting such precious content, why not post it? If you're curious — or bored, whatever — here's a read:

This is me, can you deal?
• I love tattoos and piercings, and I will probably end up getting more of either at some point. "The human body is always treated as an image in society" and it's like living, breathing, walking, talking art. My body is my canvas, and I get to share its meaning with the world.

• I wear 'crazy' outfits. Some may be less conventional than you're used to, but it's how I express who I am. Personal style is much more important to me than being trendy. I wear what I'm most comfortable in and don't care what anyone thinks. I hardly have anything 'designer' in my closet, and I shop at thrift stores. I'm all about being creative, and doing the shit myself.

• I do not, will not, nor have I ever followed any of the conventional 'rules of dating.' Obviously I have certain standards that I uphold, but if I feel like sleeping with you on the first night I will, and won't feel guilty about it. It's ALL about vibes with me.
• I am very outspoken, and sometimes what I say may offend you. Either you have the balls to talk shit back, or you're a pussy and you can keep your mouth shut. I don't always have a censor, and I'm not guarded in any way. What you see is what you get.

• I'm only 21, which means I have at least the next couple of years to decide which direction I'm going with my life. Until then, I may be broke, and unstable.

• I am very rebellious. If you try and pressure me to do something, or act a certain way, I won't do it mostly out of spite. I do things on Bre time, not when you think it should be done. Stop trying.

• I'm a free thinker and I make my own decisions. If I need your help I will ask for it and I will ALWAYS come to you when I need help making decisions that affect the both of us. Don't question my loyalty. And definitely don't discredit me based on your own prejudgments.

• I am the least jealous person in the world. I'm comfortable enough with myself and what I have to offer that I don't waste my time being jealous of you or anyone else. I respect honesty more than anything and if you compromise the trust in our relationship, friendship, or otherwise, you’re not worth having in my life. Bare in mind, I give second chances, but 3 strikes and you’re out! Don't take my kindness for weakness, I am territorial and WILL put a bitch in his or her place. :]

• I don't subscribe to any labels, including when it comes to my sexual orientation. I think both men and women are beautiful, and I won't turn down a date with someone — guy or girl — because of gender, race, religion, etc. Love is love and it knows no boundaries.

• I am naturally flirtatious. It's a part of who I am and it's not something I can turn off; most of the time I don't even realize when I'm doing it. My being flirtatious should not be confused with promiscuity and you should still proceed with caution. I know my limits, make sure you know yours.

• Half the fun of anything is the chase. I always want what is considered 'off limits,' and will definitely work to acquire whatever that may be. I almost always get what I want. Just saying.
I'm obviously open to answering personal questions so if you have any, be my guest. :]