Here goes nothing.

I've know for quite some time that fashion is sort of like my true calling.  I've contemplated many different career paths, those that might be more easily attainable, but my heart always goes back to what I'm most passionate about and that's fashion.  I've known how I've felt for a while but haven't done anything about it so I've decided that I'm going to test the waters with a style blog, see how it goes, and take it from there.  Wish me luck!

Oh hai. It's just me, Bre.

I've been going through a few things lately.  Things that I've really needed to get off my chest, but haven't really had anyone to talk to.  I usually resort to writing when I'm dealing with shit, but I haven't had an outlet for that either.  I decided to reopen my blogger account for this reason.  I just need to vent sometimes - and it really doesn't matter if anyone is listening - I just really need to get the shit out of my system.  Anyways, here I am.  I'll be around often, I'm sure.  Love, love.

I think it's time.

Dear Blog,

You've been with me fore a few years now. I've been through quite a bit, some of which I expressed through you. This place is where I wasn't afraid to say what the fuck I wanted for fear of what someone else may think. You were mine, and mine only. You were my baby, if you will, and now I think it's time to let you go. I think I need to put away the past and start fresh. You're going into retirement. I won't delete you, as you carry many memories that I may want to reflect on later, but I won't be writing here anymore. I've decided to start blogging on Tumblr more permanently, as it is more "user friendly" and requires less web designing skills on my part. Call me lazy, but that makes it much easier for me, and takes the focus away from my layout and gives me the motivation to write, write, write. Thanks for the good times, and the bad. I'll be seeing you.

Love,
Bre

I think it's time,

to retire this blog. It's old, and full of old and horrible memories. New thought process definitely requires a new blog. Stay tuned.

Happy Hump Day.

So I bought this shirt a few days ago, and it's one of those colors that's really hard to match anything with, but I absolutely couldn't pass it up. Luckily, after doing some serious internet and phone shopping I was able to find the perfect pair of snake-skinned platform pumps, and yay for me, they're only $20! I'd attach a picture, but for some reason they're not on the website anymore. Trust me, I searched high and low. I think I will wear them this weekend. We're giving Brittany a shot at redemption since she was such a buzz kill last weekend. I know for sure that I'm not going to babysit her this time, so if she's going to be whiney all night she can keep her ass at home.

I am officially in the "rat" race for this promotion I'm after. I submitted my application, along with my current resume and letters of recommendation to my boss today. Hopefully everything looks good! I know it's corny, but I'm making a big fuss about this whole promotion thing because I've never really TRIED or even wanted to try to be promoted. But, I semi-like my job, and I want to stick it out to see how far this thing actually takes me. Don't judge.

Aside from those 2 highlights, it has been a pretty average Wednesday. I argued with Chris for a couple of hours last night, intentionally, and it felt great to get it out of my system. I didn't get any sleep though, then turned around helped Brit move all of her CRAP from mine and Linda's apartment into her own. I'm glad she's not like all those other people who you're nice to and they take advantage of you. She didn't want to be a freeload for long, and I respect that. She's a go-getter. For sure.

It was just another "regular" weekend.

I've been working like a maniac all week, covering the shifts of the two people we just let go. I'm hoping that this new manager is paying enough attention to how amazing I am at my job and considers me for a promotion when the new Hotel opens on April 7. I didn't think I was really ready to be promoted (considering the unrealistic workload it can sometimes entail) because I had other goals in mind, but I'm not doing anything else with my life currently. I could definitely use the extra money, and I wouldn't mind a little authority. With those things in mind, I've been kicking ass and taking names at work, and I hope that my excellence is soon recognized.

Saturday night when I got off work my roommates called and said they wanted me to meet them at a local bar, so I rushed home to change my clothes and headed over to Black Finn. We ended up leaving because both the crowd and the music sucked and made our way over to Milos, which happens to be my favorite bar. I wasn't really in the mood to drink because I had gotten such a late start, so I just danced around enjoying the music until Brittany started complaining that she wanted to leave because it wasn't "her crowd." Whatever. I'm open-minded, so we went to her spot and got there just in time for last call. How exciting. I had a good time either way, so it doesn't really matter.

Now it's 11:11 (pause to make a wish) on Sunday, and it's coming to a close. Today was pretty uneventful. I spent the early afternoon cleaning up around the house and catching up on the shows that I'd missed during the week. This evening I invited a friend over for dinner and a movie. Now that he's gone, I'm in my room enjoying some quiet time allowing my mind to wonder. I have to admit my thoughts are pretty sexual, and I'll pprobably end up watching porn. I'm just saying.

Hopefully my week goes well. I'll keep you posted for sure.

♫ I'm bringin' Blogger back..ayy!

I honestly wish that I could talk to you everyday, dear blog. I certainly have enough going on in my life that's "blogworthy," just not enough time. I'm going to make more of an effort to change that. I will start making time for you, because I've missed you, and the way you used to make me feel. ;[

Valentine's Day 2010

My Valentine’s Day was like every other day; ordinary. I told myself that this year I’d go out and make it count, but I didn’t. All of my girl “friends” have proven to be phonies, catty bitches, and whores and I’d prefer not to socialize with them. On top of that, my work schedule got in the way so this weekend was pretty uneventful.

Today, I slept mostly. My sleep schedule is totally off from working the night shift, so I didn’t wake up until around 4pm. I went to the Library to exchange my ‘I Love Lucy’ DVDs for the next episodes, and then I went straight home. I wasn’t trying to fight traffic from all the All-Star hoopla going on. When I got home, I made myself a quick dinner; Ramen noodles served by candlelight. :]

I spend the rest of my evening watching True Life reruns on MTV, and around 10 I started getting ready for work. I am completely at peace with the fact that I spent the day by myself, and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. Chris got me a box of chocolates and a blender for my new apartment. That’s all I really could have asked for. I’m appreciative, and that’s all I have to say.

Is it that time, again?!

I know that Valentine's Day comes on the same day every year, but could it come at a more inconvenient time in my life? I'm the biggest love nerd you could ever imagine, and I've always cherished the idea of Valentine's Day, but I wasn't expecting it to come so quickly. Yikes! Every year for the past 3 years, I've been so invested in trying to correct the mishaps and misfortunes of my life that whenever the holiday rolls around I become obsessive and pushy hoping to make this one better than the last and it always backfires on me. Chris is by far the most un-celebratory person I've ever met (especially the celebration of love) and I know this but I still tried to pressure him into giving me the day I dream about. It still hasn't happened. 3 tries, 3 fails. This time, it doesn't matter. I've said it before, and I will say it again. This year — as cliché as it may sound — is MY year. I started off on the right foot for change in 2010 and I'm not stopping now. There are more important things in my life that I should focus on rather than worry about whether or not I received chocolates and a teddy on February 14th. I'm not going to concern myself with whether or not I'll be spending the holiday alone. What does it matter? I'm alone every other day of the year, why should this one be treated any differently? It shouldn't, and it won't.

I'm not going to plan, anticipate, hope for, or wish to receive any special treatment on the 'big' day. If by some chance someone does something special for me — of course — that would make me really happy, but if nothing happens it's not the end of the world. If I don't have a date, I'll celebrate by myself. I can make it a night in with movies and junk food, to pamper myself, or I can go out and have a few drinks with my girls. Whatever I decide to do, I will be surrounded by positive people and positive energy. For 3 years I've allowed myself to allow someone else to disappoint me on Valentine's day, but I promise that not happening in 2010.

This is me, can you deal?

I've been working on this for about a week now. I initially started writing it as an email to a 'loved one' that I've been at war with, but decided against sending it. I shouldn't have to tell HIM the things he should already know about me. Anyways, instead of wasting such precious content, why not post it? If you're curious — or bored, whatever — here's a read:

This is me, can you deal?
• I love tattoos and piercings, and I will probably end up getting more of either at some point. "The human body is always treated as an image in society" and it's like living, breathing, walking, talking art. My body is my canvas, and I get to share its meaning with the world.

• I wear 'crazy' outfits. Some may be less conventional than you're used to, but it's how I express who I am. Personal style is much more important to me than being trendy. I wear what I'm most comfortable in and don't care what anyone thinks. I hardly have anything 'designer' in my closet, and I shop at thrift stores. I'm all about being creative, and doing the shit myself.

• I do not, will not, nor have I ever followed any of the conventional 'rules of dating.' Obviously I have certain standards that I uphold, but if I feel like sleeping with you on the first night I will, and won't feel guilty about it. It's ALL about vibes with me.
• I am very outspoken, and sometimes what I say may offend you. Either you have the balls to talk shit back, or you're a pussy and you can keep your mouth shut. I don't always have a censor, and I'm not guarded in any way. What you see is what you get.

• I'm only 21, which means I have at least the next couple of years to decide which direction I'm going with my life. Until then, I may be broke, and unstable.

• I am very rebellious. If you try and pressure me to do something, or act a certain way, I won't do it mostly out of spite. I do things on Bre time, not when you think it should be done. Stop trying.

• I'm a free thinker and I make my own decisions. If I need your help I will ask for it and I will ALWAYS come to you when I need help making decisions that affect the both of us. Don't question my loyalty. And definitely don't discredit me based on your own prejudgments.

• I am the least jealous person in the world. I'm comfortable enough with myself and what I have to offer that I don't waste my time being jealous of you or anyone else. I respect honesty more than anything and if you compromise the trust in our relationship, friendship, or otherwise, you’re not worth having in my life. Bare in mind, I give second chances, but 3 strikes and you’re out! Don't take my kindness for weakness, I am territorial and WILL put a bitch in his or her place. :]

• I don't subscribe to any labels, including when it comes to my sexual orientation. I think both men and women are beautiful, and I won't turn down a date with someone — guy or girl — because of gender, race, religion, etc. Love is love and it knows no boundaries.

• I am naturally flirtatious. It's a part of who I am and it's not something I can turn off; most of the time I don't even realize when I'm doing it. My being flirtatious should not be confused with promiscuity and you should still proceed with caution. I know my limits, make sure you know yours.

• Half the fun of anything is the chase. I always want what is considered 'off limits,' and will definitely work to acquire whatever that may be. I almost always get what I want. Just saying.
I'm obviously open to answering personal questions so if you have any, be my guest. :]

Synchronization.

Dear Chris; If only we could synchronize our hearts they way you synchronize a watch. How dare you try and break a bond so strong. Why won't you just give me what I want? I'm so tired of fighting with you — trying desperately to get my point across — and then running back into your arms. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you, but I want much more than what you're able to offer me. I want 100% of you. If you can't offer that now, after 3 years, when will you ever? I done waiting. I have to move on with my life. Don't try and stop me from searching for my happiness, if you don't have what it takes. Let me get back to loving myself unconditionally the way I loved you. Let me rebuild the bridges I've burned, and reestablish the lines that I've crossed in order to keep you. Let me reclaim my independence and stand up for what the fuck I believe in. Let me learn, grow, and be free so that I can mold myself into the person that I'm supposed to be. If you can't handle me being me, just let me go.

---
It's a new year and a new me, bitches! I know that sounds cliché, but so far my actions and my words are in sync. I've been working hard to stay out of trouble these past few months and it's starting to pay off. Although stressful (and a bit emotional), I am definitely on the right track and plan on making some significant accomplishments this year. The first of my accomplishments is finally being able to move out of this shoebox I call my apartment. I've outgrown the space — and the memories we've created — and I'm ready for a fresh start. I'll have a roommate which will save tons on living expenses, and I can use that extra cash to invest in my future. Look at me being all self sufficient and shit. I don't need you, Chris. I never have. I've just always wanted you around and it looks like times are changing.

Break-ups are a bitch.

"I have the most beautiful time with you. You are my friend, my enemy, my boyfriend, my lover, my heaven, my hell, my earth, my stars. You make me happy, sad, angry, jealous, joyful, hopeful. You are my muse, I can create things in your presence. I am full of life when I am with you. You give me energy, and you take it away. There is not one thing that I want to do without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You complete me." (Written on July 16, 2009)

So after almost 3 years of fighting this Love war — one whose outcome I thought was destined to turn out in my favor — it's finally over. Chris and I broke up, and I'm having mixed emotions. I'm happy for my freedom, but it's going to be really hard getting used to life without him around. I can't go back, though. How do I stop myself from calling and texting when I start feeling dependent again? How do I make him realize what he's really lost? How do I get him to understand why I'm so fed up? Is it even worth trying to get him to see or should I just move on and create a life for myself, and myself only? Questions I need answered, and only I can answer them. I guess it's time for me to start "soul searching" and decide what it is that I really want. No rush, I've got plenty of time, right?

Wake up, and smell the money.

I'm feelin' a little inspired today. I read someone's blog earlier, and the girl wrote a letter to herself 15 years from now. What a great idea!? So, I think I am going to do the same. This will take me a while, but I will definitely post the finished product.

Aside from that, I've had a pretty awesome day to say the least. I woke up early this morning and went to Toni&Guy to get my hair done. I got it cut really short — something I've been dying to try. I finally grew the nuts and just did it. I love it! Of course it will take some getting used to, but I'm sure I will adjust quickly. Here is a picture:



I also got my laptop out of layaway. Doing these things make me feel really good about myself. I enjoy the instant gratification. I'm anxious to go home and get things set up although I'm really tired and I'll most likely just crash. Anyways, lastly, I bought the wedges I've been dying for for probably the past month. Now that I'm broke my day is complete and that's about all I needed to update on. Getting ready to catch up on Big Brother episodes until work is over. G'night.

feelin' the love.

Must be motivated.


best friend, lover. <3

"SURVEY" OF SORTS.

Answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention. Add one more question of your own.

What is your current obsession?Changing my image. I've been the same "Plain Jane" chick all of my life. I have always gone unnoticed, which isn't really a problem for me — I'm not looking for anyone's attention — I have just been having a really hard time lately. I have this creative itch that I am dying to scratch, but I haven't found the right medium yet. I figure if I change, or at least update my image I will feel a little better about myself and that will give me the motivation I need to get on back the right track.

What are you wearing today?Today I am wearing a blue/black patterned sun dress, my favorite black cardigan sweater, black sandals, and silver accessories.

Why is today special?Today is Thursday, which means that it's one day closer to being Friday, which is one day closer to the weekend. I am going to try and have a fun weekend, but without money that's a little hard.

What would you like to learn to do?I would love to learn to draw, and make designs freehand or by pattern. I'd love to start sketching some design ideas so then I can make my ideas come to life. I'm tired of them being stuck in my brain. I'd also love to learn to paint. I hear that Art Therapy can be very relaxing. I'd like to learn the quickest, easiest way to make a shitload of money, and I'd also love to learn to speak French, or even Spanish (from Spain, not Mexico).

What is your favorite weather?It's a toss between Autumn, and Spring. I love the beautiful colors Autumn brings with the falling leaves, but I also love the budding flowers, and perfect temperatures that Spring brings.

What would you like to have in your hands right now?Either a shitload of money, or the new iPhone 3Gs. I'm longing for the both of those. Maybe even some pussy, wink wink. Who's gonna make that happen?

What would you like to get rid of?"His" insecurities. I'd like him to stop being so insecure and jealous. I'd like to feel freedom again without the fear that I'd be losing my best friend. I just want him to be comfortable with the person that I really am, and not the person he wants me to be. I'd also like to get rid of half my wardrobe and replace it with all the things I've been wanting.

What did you dream of last night?Last night I dream't that Chris Brown (of all people) was trying to get with me. We were just about to hook up, when I got woken up by something or someone! Boy was I mad. I tried so hard to dream that dream again. You'd better believe it!

Who do you want to meet in person?There are so many people that I would love to meet, It's be hard to name them all. Many celebrities, leadership figures, and everyday people that I've never had the pleasure of meeting in person.

One thing that you would snatch out of someone’s closet, with no regrets? I'd take EVERYTHING from Rihanna's closet and wouldn't feel guilty about it at all! I wouldn't mind rummaging through Teyana Taylor's closet, Beyonce's got the diva thing on lock, and Amber Rose can rock some tights.

What is your dream job? I’m still trying to figure that out. But when I think of being successful, or happy, I don't see myself as filthy rich or the CEO or some Fortune 500 company. I just want to be content, full of passion, and wrapped up in doing whatever it is that I love doing. Just like I'd be with person I'm in love with.

Personal aspirations at the moment?I aspire to aspire something. At the moment, I feel like a zombie. I feel like I'm walking, alone mostly — with no path in particular — just doing what I HAVE to do to survive, working hard just to pay bills, but not doing the things that truely make me happy. I'm just stuck.

If you had a time machine, which time would you like to revisit?The 70's. I'd be a hippie. =D I'm pretty much a free spirited, "peace and love" type of person and I have always wondered what real hippies lived like.. or if it's all just TV hype.

WORD VOMIT.

I don't know what I'm saying, I'm just saying it.

1250A Today has been an emotionally unstable day. I went from happy, to mad, to sad, to a breakdown of sorts, to mad again, and now I'm neutral. Fuck everyone. I tell motherfuckers my problems for venting purposes and I end up feeling more like an ass after my conversation with them than I had before hand. What kind of shit is that? I expect at least one person to empathize, but no niggas want to jump down my throat as if I'm wrong for feeling the way I feel. You won't do that to me, will you?

Oops. It seems as if I've run out of time. Soon enough I will be able to blog from home. I'll finish venting some other time. Good morning.

ZZZZZZZ.

It is cold, and I am tired.

I didn't go to sleep until 5a and I woke up at 9a. I have fallen asleep at my desk a couple of times. Shhhh, don't tell! I'm trying to stay awake, but all hope for Starbucks is ruined — they're closed. Today's work day has been the slowest ever.

In other news, I pampered myself today. I got a mani-pedi, and my eyebrows waxed. Just something I do to feel a little better about myself and kickstart my day. Too bad this day has been a drag. I also went Laptop shopping. Hopefully I find something suitable soon, I would like to start taking some courses online in the near future. I'd also like to invest in a new TV and some home decor. I'd like my apartment to feel homey. I want my pantry and Fridge stocked with groceries, and I don't want to feel like I have to go anywhere for anything. But enough blabbing about stuff that costs money.

In relationship news, things with Chris and I are good — well neutral. We're separated of course. He's lives there, and I'm living here. It's a complicated situation as it's always been so there is no need to dabble in those waters. Changing the subject — I've always liked, or been curious when it comes to being with women and as of the past few months I have had some experiences with women that have opened my eyes. I've had the opportunity to harness my curiosity and confirm my feelings. Although I don't like labels, one might classify me as being bisexual and I am completely okay with that. I find myself more and more attracted to women sexually. I see a girl in the grocery store who before I would have just glanced at and passed by, but now I find myself "checking" her out. I am actually talking to this girl right now. She's really great and seem truly interested in me, but I just can't feel it all the way with her. We don't seem compatible enough, and she doesn't understand why I say there are "no sparks." I am trying to give it a shot with her, but I don't know how long I can keep pretending that I "miss" her, and that I find her "wildly attractive" when in reality I don't. If she just happened to be any other girl (physically) with CLOSE to the same personality I would probably be thrilled about considering a future with her. Call me shallow, but it is what it is. Enough about her, I think you get the idea.

I came to a realization today while I was at the nail salon. "White girls" intimidate me — sexually that is. With their blue eyes, and pretty long hair. Their long legs, perfect ass, and perky titties. I would LOVE to bang a "white chick" but would a white chick love to bang me? Question of the evening. Good night.

SURPRISE — NO INTRO NEEDED.

Whoaaa! Slow down, take a deep breath, and exhale. I'm back! I know I was on hiatus for a few months, but I'm here — hopefully to stay. Alot has been going on as usual. So much it would take me forever to update, so I thought I would just keep this blog simple with a little "re-introduction."

My name is Breanne. Virtually I am your typical 21 year old. I’m chaotic at times, mostly indecisive about everything, I’m all about being in the moment, and I curse like a sailor. I don’t smoke, I hardly drink, and my piss test comes back clean every time. Majority of the time I’m a girly girl. I like massages, mani-pedis, shopping sprees, and high heels — but I also like to get dirty with the boys. I’m lazy as all get up, I love sleep, and I can’t find anything when my environment is clean. I’m not dirty, just messy. I have this creativity inside of me somewhere waiting to unleash itself, I just haven’t found my medium yet. I march to the beat of my own drum, and I believe that all rules are made to be broken. I’m a rebel in my own way. I hate school, but I love to learn. I’m sly, I’m witty and I catch on quickly to credible humor. I like attention, but I don’t go looking for it — I truely believe I command it. I am 100% confident in who I am no matter how many flaws I may have or how little I fit in. Really only one person’s opinion other than my own matters to me and I think we pretty much share opinions. I’ve had only one true best friend whom I also consider my worst enemy. No matter how dull my life is or has been, I still think it’s pretty awesome and I’m happy I’m living, but also ready to die when God says so. If anybody knows me it should be my mom, and to an extent she does, but only one person has seen all of me — even the sides I didn’t know I had. Sometimes I feel stronger than the strongest person you know, but I’m selfish. I don’t have to flaunt myself to the world. I believe that the only thing stopping me is myself, but it’s just a phase. I am me, and probably the most amazing person I know next to my king.

Hopefully you've enjoy. This is me in a nutshell. Work is almost over, so I will see you lovely people later! Dueces.

BITCH!

I am thoroughly dissapointed. I was in the process of registering my first ever domain name (www.avenueb.com), but the sumbeech is already taken. That is the only name I want. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

TIRED.

I know I haven't posted in a while. Please forgive me- I've just had quite a few other things on my mind. I honestly don't even feel like blogging now but I was browsing some of my old photo albums and stumbled upon this picture:



This is my brother when he first got his glasses. I think this picture is absolutely adorable, although some of you may not. He does't wear his glasses much anymore but he's still a ladies man! Don't hate.